It's Raining, Where's Mom?

Today was our monthly meeting with N320's team, which consists of the 320 specialist and case manager, That Crazy Lady, N320's Mom, NPA Behavior Therapist, the paraeducator/1:1, and me. Now that I'm a future BCBA, these meetings have become increasingly interesting and meaningful...not to mention, I've grown, learned, and contributed a lot since our first meeting so I've earned my place at the table. (1/2 j/k)

This time was especially interesting and sad b/c we discussed the "bipolar episodes" in depth. (I was just kind of annoyed b/c I caught That Crazy Lady rolling her eyes a few times whenever the 320 specialist dissected issues; they have an ongoing behind-the-back-slandering thing). We think we pinpointed the interesting antecedents to the behaviors that have recently escalated (or replaced others). I gave my piece about how his behaviors have been so difficult for me that I now have his paraed in close proximity, especially after the elopement incident.

Before Mom left, N320 sprinted over to me and almost stuck his hand down my shirt twice and tried to jam his fist into my crotch. She was mortified and screamed at him to stop. I felt really awkward afterwards b/c I could tell that she felt awful about it all. I didn't want to leave without saying good-bye so when she looked like she was about to leave, I awkwardly said please don't worry, you are doing such a "good job" being a (single) Mom of three boys including one with a disability. I immediately felt like such an idiot for saying something like that! I meant to say something much more eloquent, articulate, and deep! Being a Mom of a child with a disability is not a job with performance reviews, especially a review from a 28 year-old with no child of her own! Ugh! I could have hid under a rock.

She just kept profusely apologizing for his behavior and expressed how she felt so bad about it and didn't understand why he does that...and then I saw the tears well up in her eyes. I really wish I could have eloquently articulated that it really is okay and that she should not feel bad.

Instead, I asked if I could hug her and we did.

I wish I could tell her how much I love seeing Mom and N320 together. When I see them greet, hug, and kiss each other, I know that no words are needed to express the mother-son love that they share with one another. That Crazy Lady thinks that Mom gets too caught up in the emotionalism of the disability and how it comes out 'inappropriately.' Despite having to look at it from a professional point of view, I disagree with That Crazy Lady. Mom often holds side conversations during the meetings to quietly ask, "Why was he crying?" In a way, it's her 'professional point of view' to probe; she's his mother for crying out loud. And I feel so much for her when she does ask. I know that it's not an accusatory interrogation. It's an innocent question bred from love. The pain and anguish is evident in her eyes -- she knows her son is experiencing something so sad...yet he isn't capable of expressing what he is feeling and why.

Instead, he cries, "It's raining, where's Mom?"

...

P.S.

I've been asked to help him identify his emotions and their causes during therapy. Should be interesting and challenging especially since he doesn't cry around me...unless That Crazy Lady is around. (Imagine this hypothetical script: "Oh, I see that you're crying. Are you sad b/c That Crazy Lady is here?") Usually when he's with me, he has the most devilish look on his face! I've caught him looking at me from all the way across the room! It is craziness. I am tempted to create a Boardmaker symbol with the happy face and two red horns and pair it with, "Oh, I see that you are feeling mischievous. Is it because you are getting ready to grope me?" j/k In all seriousness, I've become immune to the groping; if anything, I am actually embarrassed that I don't have an effective way of dealing with those behaviors. Moreover, he has recently figured out that he can grab onto my hand or fingers and not let go.